“A drink a day keeps the shrink away.”

– Edward Abbey

Do I wanna know?

I got a bit of closure Friday. Well, not really. I’ll just tell you the whole story.
I went out Friday and a friend of mine was working the bar. Big coincidence: the guy I met before Barcelona was working the bar too. The one who just ignored everything after a month and a half or so and never texted back again, the one who apparently had a girlfriend.

No biggie, I’ve become a pro in ignoring people. Especially him. So I just hung out with my friend, drank a few beers (free drinks, yay!). After a while I went to go check out the stage and bust out some dance moves.
I went back for some beers, but my friend was working security by then. He told me that the guy (let’s just call him the ex, otherwise it might get complicated) was feeling really guilty and wondered if he should apologize. I was like, well yeah, ya think so? Took him goddamn six months to come to that conclusion. I went back to go dance a bit more and found my friend about an hour later, right when I wanted to go home.

I found both of them working at the infobooth. As usual, I ignored the ex and right when I wanted to tell my friend that I was going home, he stood up and said: I want to apologize for the way I acted when you were in Barcelona. At that point I looked him in the eyes and said: “Look, I was born without balls and I have bigger balls than you do.”
"I truly am sorry for the way I acted. I typed the longest message ever, trying to explain and I just didn’t dare send it. And I feel really guilty, because I really meant it when I said we should just go for it, ‘cause I loved you and I know you felt the same way."
Long story short: he apologized (a lot, over and over again). Hugged me, and said: “You smell good. I remember that perfume, I missed it.”
That is not something you say when you have a girlfriend and are apologizing to a girl whose heart you broke. That is not okay. He said a couple of things like that. Small things, but they tore open wounds I thought had healed by now.

So now he’s stuck in my head and I feel like crap. What am I supposed to do? He has a girlfriend. I can’t do anything. He doesn’t want to. And I don’t want to. Because I dont want to open that can of worms. Nope, not worth it. But you know what sucks? I would say yes anytime if he’d ask me.

“(Do I wanna know)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day”

– Arctic Monkeys

“I’d like to destroy you a few times in bed.”

– Ernest Hemingway, The Snows of Kilimanjaro

Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love?

If you’re dying to be hurt so badly, I’ve got a baseball bat for that.